I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Haven't updated since my little surprise the other time because I'm getting really busy with work and I'm tired, both physically and mentally (from all the planning I have to do). Yeah, I've been thinking a lot. My supervisor always thought I'm spacing out but I'm just too caught up in my mind. Thinking about March 1st, university, failing to get into my dream course, how bleak my future seem to me and I will get so scared tears well up in my eyes. Only then will I stop thinking about it to stop myself from crying then go back to the mindless routine of folding clothes. Maybe that's why I think I like working on weekends because I'll get so busy with serving the customers and partly because I get to see adorable little kids and they'll do these little things that crack me up. 

So on Friday, Meilin was in the area with Gordon and she decided to 'surprise' me in the shop with "Hi, do you have a size 4?" Tell me, is that girl the greatest friend of all or what. I was all "Yes, we do. Here let me get you that." when I stood up straight and looked her into the eye and I'm like @#$%^& WHAT GO AWAY. Another customer beside us was alarmed at this outburst and looked at us weird. Yeah and the second time they came into the shop I was at the fitting room so they just scrambled across and giggled as they disappeared behind a rack of clothes, leaving me confused.

And today's February 9 - my birthday. It's not that big a deal in my life because I don't have many 'friends' or hang out with the popular kids. I'm just me. It's really sad sometimes, that is until you realize that the people who really made an effort in trying to make you feel special are people worthy of a space in your heart and you can just forget about the rest of the auxiliaries or the people you hope to remember your birthday but doesn't even bother to leave a Facebook post on your wall or even wish you a "Happy Birthday" on a whatsapp group when someone else mentioned it. Yeah, this is how you know how many wedding invitations you are going to print 10 years down the road or how many people to invite to your baby shower. I think I'm going to remember this forever.

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